23 April 2013

Going under


I know myself, and if there's one thing I know, it's that I don't gravitate toward the unknown, and I don't like having my independence taken away.  

I'm headed in tomorrow for a minor (well they tell me it's minor but if you ask me, being fully put under and needing an overnight chaperone once they break me loose doesn't seem so minor ahem) procedure, and the unknownness of it all is getting to me.  

I was up for several hours during the middle of the night last night, getting myself all worked into a nice little tizzy, but also had a chance to ponder what's the fuss, and here's what I've come up with.

I'm an independent one, and I am used to taking care of myself. Not my most favorite attribute, necessarily. The thought of being without my faculties I do not like, and have imagined myself left unconscious on the operating table if there were a fire in the surgery center, and all the care staff took on a save yourselves! mentality.  Give me a break. I know. 

Sometimes I think of myself as comfortable with vulnerability, but let's get real.  I'm not. Especially with these strangers who I might run into during my next run to Target.  Who's going to help me out if my little hospital gown slips down while I can't fix it for myself?  I won't even know if they're laughing at my freckles!

Finally - I like my routine.  Starting tonight at midnight, and up until my surgery, I cannot have anything to eat or drink.  BUT WHAT IF I'M THIRSTY? Not to mention the fact that there will be no coffee in the morning. My day is going to be different, and I can't do anything about it. Don't they know I'm more myself with coffee? 

A note to all the medical professionals who read this here blog, because I know it's part of your professional-development regimen.  It is re-assuring to me that you do these procedures multiple times every day. You've done thousands, and I'm one in those thousands. Please keep in mind however, that what is just a couple hours of your millions is a major first for me, and feels like a big deal. Even though it's not. But it feels like it. Even though it's not. But it feels like it.  (excuse me. just pep-talking.)

In all seriousness… 

Let's do this.

I'm so ready for my shoulder to feel better.

*You might recognize the photo above from my instagram awhile back, when I had my first MRI to examine said shoulder. 

1 comment:

  1. So scary being put under for the first time. I had to last year and I can totally relate to your anxiety!! Hang in there.

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